Mood:
mischieviousTopic: Trans: Headline --> Truth
WASHINGTON - Hillary Rodham Clinton scored three victories in a night of revival that denied Barack Hussein Obama (if we have to call Mrs. Clinton by all three names, we have to do it to all the Democratic contenders... if we're going for consistency) a ripe opportunity to drive her from the Democratic presidential race. Clarity came only to Sen. Clinton after she realized that she would only lose an all-out November 2008 slug-fest as women across America decided that John McCain was less threatening and voted the opposite of how they poll.
So, Clinton, fresh off big primary victories, hinted Wednesday at the possibility of sharing the Democratic presidential ticket with Obama — with her at the vice-presidential spot. Obama, realizing that after he was sworn in, Mrs. Clinton really would be a heartbeat away from the Presidency, is still trying to get Edwards or Kucinich to go for it.
In a night that failed to clarify the Democratic race, McCain clinched the Republican nomination despite being denounced by every knowledgeable conservative pundit. Meanwhile, McCain's large cashier's check to the editor of the New York Times has cleared. Said editor's negotiations for title to the island of Bermuda are now in progress, the British royal family holding out for a pay-off of Prince Edward's air travel bill for the last year.
Clinton won primaries in Texas, Ohio and Rhode Island, halting Obama's winning streak at "having whupped her ass good already."
Both Democrats insisted on Wednesday they had the best credentials to go head to head — or as Clinton put it, "tool to tool" — against McCain.
Asked on CBS's "The Early Show" whether she and Obama should be on the same ticket, Clinton said: "That may be where this is headed, but of course we have to decide who is on top. I think the people of the United States have very clearly said that the resulting metaphor was far too distasteful to contemplate."
NOTE: THIS IS A PARODY OF AN MSNBC REPORT. WE FIND THE PARODY, ON THE WHOLE, SLIGHTLY MORE PLAUSIBLE.
