Tibetan Book of the Dead Predicts the Internet
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: minor chuckles....

"O nobly born, at this time thou will see visions of males and females in sexual union.  Meditate upon them with great fervency.... "

from the Third (Sidpa) Bardo, Tibetan Book of the Dead

 

You may be a Taliban if....
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: minor chuckles....

Tip of the hat to "obanish" on the Time/CNN Web site, who contributed this: 

"With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, US troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense of humor with the following,

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF......"

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your rear with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You have ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat."

Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Cajun?
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: minor chuckles....
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah,
raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere
seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:








Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out
of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few
days and try to come to a consensus.

............

Ya Gotta Like George
Topic: minor chuckles....
YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
by George Carlin
 
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!
 
I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!
 
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
 
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.
 
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.
 
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
 
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.
 
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
 
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.
 
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.
 
I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country!
 
This is AMERICA.
 
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.
Can I get an AMEN on that one?
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry rear if you're running from them..
 
I also think they have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
 
And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good..... and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money.
 
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
 
I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause.
 
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
 
And what is going on with gas prices... again?
 
I believe "illegal" is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.
 
I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA!
 
If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
 
If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.
 
We want our country back!

We NEED GOD BACK IN OUR COUNTRY!

Mood:  mischievious
Topic: minor chuckles....

Gleaned from Macworld (byline is "Macworld staff"):

"Microsoft's new Zune player may generate smutty laughter in Quebec.

A report explains that in French-speaking Canada, the word 'Zune' is a euphemism for male or female genitalia.

"The French word "zoune'' and the variant "bizoune'' typically serve as a less jolting way of referring to male or female genitalia when addressing children," the report explains.

Microsoft spokesperson Nathalie Bergeron told Canada.com that the word isn't in the dictionary, adding that the name "posed no risk of becoming known as an embarrassing double entendre," the report explains.

A Quebec resident reportedly disagreed, saying: "All of Quebec has been giggling for the last couple of days at the thought of Mr. Gates swearing that there was an 80 per cent chance that he'd whip out his little zoune before the holiday season."

Mais, what do we expect from a guy who names his company "Micro-soft," eh, Maurice?  "The Yankees, they are a funny race...  "