In their television commercials, the Johns (Kerry and Edwards) have tried to morph John Kerry into a warrior prince - sort of a shoddily-embalmed looking, knee-jerk liberal Cincinnatus. In what we can only hope will turn into an asthmatic Bill Clinton wheeze after a few months of shouting lies, John Edwards declaims "No man is better qualified to defend the American people than John Kerry!" in his first TV campaign ads.

Obviously Edwards was chosen because of his insidious sense of humor, because anyone familiar with Senator Kerry's voting record and his testimony before a Senate committee after he separated from naval service should get a good chuckle out of that claim.

John Kerry the disillusioned Vietnam Veteran flung someone else's medals at the Capitol building to protest the war in Vietnam. Of course, no one explained this to the onlookers, reporters and press photographers present. If the public knew that Kerry was throwing someone else's medals away they might not have been as impressed. Great show of character, Senator.

Then Kerry assembled a road show of dysfunctional-looking men who claimed they had been present during atrocities committed by American troops in Vietnam or had taken part in those atrocities themselves.

Since these would have been serious violations of the law which applies to American troops, these atrocity claims were investigated by the Department of Defense.

Guess what? When investigators from the military questioned these men about their involvement in atrocities while in Vietnam, it turned out that no one could testify as to how and when these atrocities happened. Some of the men who testified weren't even serving where they COULD take part in atrocities. Some of the men weren't even Vietnam veterans - some had never served in the Armed Forces at all.

Why they told these lies is between them and their photographer (and possibly their drama coach) - John Kerry. These men were apparently persuaded to speak lies about their service and that of their fellow veterans by someone... and their road trip was partly orchestrated and publicized by one Lt. John Kerry, formerly of the U.S. Navy.

Just how many real Vietnam Veterans experienced bigotry, rudeness and rejection because of John Kerry's work with these people can only be imagined. The fact remains that John Kerry helped fake Vietnam Veterans lie about and tarnish the reputations of REAL Vietnam Veterans.

Kerry himself testified to having committed atrocities against Vietnamese civilians before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee after leaving the Navy. Now he's awful coy about exactly what those atrocities might have been, and why he never served time in jail for having committed them. Conclusion - Kerry either lied about committing the atrocities before Congress, under oath, or he is a war criminal.

Let's make sure we have this right - John Kerry either committed perjury before Congress or committed war crimes while serving in Vietnam. Either way, why isn't he enjoying Federal hospitality, perhaps at the John Gotti Suite in the Federal prison at Marion, Illinois?

If Martha Stewart can be convicted of lying to the Feds and sentenced to five months in jail and a fifty-thousand dollar fine, what's lying to Congress or having unjustly wounded or killed Vietnamese civilians worth? Personally, I favor the elegant solution of deporting Senator Kerry to France, where he, like Jerry Lewis, can wow the locals with his mastery of the absurd.

Why did John Kerry lie about what he did in Vietnam? If he WASN'T lying, why is an admitted war criminal walking around free, much less running for President of the United States? Last time I checked, the President of the United States could not be a felon, and here's John Kerry, who swore before a Senate committee to committing war crimes!

Is this the unique experience John Edwards was shouting to the crowd about? Does John Kerry's record of deception and possible war crimes qualify him above all others to defend the American people? Or was it Kerry's admittedly brave but low-echelon service commanding a river boat in Vietnam?

By contrast, the current Secretary of State was Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff before retiring. How does Kerry's experience in national defense trump Colin Powell's? Vice President Cheney was Secretary of Defense. Does Kerry know more about national defense than Dick Cheney? Very unlikely. Donald Rumsfeld was Secretary of Defense TWICE - once in the 1970s, and again now - he's probably forgotten more about national defense than Kerry and Edwards know between them.

Off hand, I can think of several dozen men and women who are much more qualified to defend the American people than John Kerry, if only because they don't lie about what they or other people did under arms, defending the rest of us. George W. Bush happens to be one of them. Character counts, and Kerry has less of it - much less - than Bush.

Next time, I'll discuss what a tight crack all of our butts would now be in if Senator John Kerry had cast the deciding vote on a number of crucial decisions during his career - a career where he earned the dubious distinction of being judged more liberal than his Senate colleague Teddy Kennedy.

Until then, imagine fighting a modern war without modern weapons, adequate personnel protection or sufficient speed in moving troops into battle and you'll understand what John Kerry voted for his entire Senate career - and luckily for our people in uniform, what he didn't get.